Killing me softly

Kill me why dont you , cause thats how it is feels , like I'm dieing , like a cancer and doctors have no answer but two months to live . I haven't lived for a long time and so now I would die the life I lived a lone , my fear has come through, we've being together for ten years and that ten years I've lived with out you. you must feel it too ! I've; search for a familiar face , time or place , for someone to relate to what I feel , or for hours I looked for song that was writen for me , I might as well keep it; real. you know whats funny about all of this , and I wish , so much I could love you more , but maybe my reality is that i can't love you enough , no matter how hard I try , there might not be enough in me , you see just maybe you require a lot more to power you and the cells of heart cant hold all that energy that your heart needs to jump start into ''love mood'', or maybe I don't have the code to decrypt the black box of your thoughts . Truth be told , it doesnt matter weather I'm young , black or creol, I'm just not man enough, now why is that so tough , because we have kids . and my kids mean the world to me , I love them so much that words cant being to touch the surface that plunge so deep; that those depts has yet to be discovered. Oh I love my kids because they are mine , no matter how they feel , or what side of the bed they wokeup on they are mine , weather im broke and a bomb in the streets with just a dog to keep me comapny they are mine and I make no apologies for that . They where the best thing you ever given to me; , again maybe thats all that was meant to be. just those two kids you have given me . I dont know how much longer I can take before I brake , down , it hurt so much ,trying to get you to see me standing right in front of you saying here I am play with me , you remember twe lee lee, come sing with me , I like songs too , dance with me show me how to do the do that you do . I'm teachable , give me a chance, you'll see I'm reachable . Here I go again,; thinking that there is something that I do , to win you . Oh that some one can love me for me , just as I am , love every ounce for me , every inches; of me , just as I am with out one plea but that his blood was shed for me . Oh to loved like Christ love , remember he loved us even while we were in our miss, not even perfect at best , but we were filthy; and stained , yet he loved me . I know your not Christ, but it would of being nice if you were, then you can make this hurt just go away. I loved you and even though I feel like to you that doesn't mean much, thats had alot to do with why I stayed in at and I can say that with no second though. I know you dont love me; or how did you put it , you dont love me enough. and I cant make you love me , that might be an impossibly; task, to ask your heart to love me, even after you feel you have given it all the reasons to . Sometime I believe; that the heart is person with in its self with its own agender. I've being telling mine to not care but it does, the more reasons you give; it to not love you it still does, like I have no say . Love can be a lot of things including blind , insensitive, stupid, deaf, dumb, and selfish. Yet I still we love.

The Water Boy Chronicles

This blog is for the hustler out there, people who seek ideas over ideas to make a dollar. Now its no mystery that unemployment is up and pay checks are down however its hard times that force people to be creative and try to do better. Most of the jobs that comes under the hustler's profile has a very small profit margin and it can be do to the fact that there is little to no over head expenses. However I also think it has a little to do with how competitive these " hustler" jobs are . I mean very where you look there is a peanut man , a news paper man , a phone card man , a car wash man and a water man. Which brings me to the reason for this story, I never ever thought about the intricacy involve with something are simply as selling water.First the leg work in knowing what is the most popular band on the market to day, then find out why is it the most popular band, is it because it sells the most or because it has the highest profit. After this signing up with that band is not always easy because a good brand has a good reputation that they can not afford to risk losing.Some of the requirements are the basic photo ID health certificate and in some cases a current police record.The brands that you will find that requires stiffer admitting are Aqua Pure and Chelsae's Choice. To my surprise Chelsae's Choice won over Aqua Pure 5 to 1 .Besides choosing the right brand and the application process there is also a lot if book keeping involve and finding a good location one that will stand out and one that is not over crowded. Last but not less there is always pandemonium when buying fresh water from the factories, It literally takes all day form start to finish.Oh yeah then there is the lost of broken or damage bottles that has to be replace with new bottles that cost an average of $10:00 to $12:00 dollar each. So the next time you see a water boy honking his horn through your corner or a depot on the side of the road please remember that its a little bit more than just water.BY the way my depot is located on Bethal Ave see you there... Antonio Miller antoniodmiller@gmail.com

Deaf Ear

One of the things I really don't like is the radio talk shows is that they full the people head with false hope to raise their ratings. Knowing that the people who may be able to make a change is not listening and really don't care. How many times have you seen any thing done over a discussion a radio show had? My point exactly. I am all for voicing your opinion but some times it sounds more like betting up your gum's or venting your anger.
Any way why talk no ones listening.