Killing me softly

Kill me why dont you , cause thats how it is feels , like I'm dieing , like a cancer and doctors have no answer but two months to live . I haven't lived for a long time and so now I would die the life I lived a lone , my fear has come through, we've being together for ten years and that ten years I've lived with out you. you must feel it too ! I've; search for a familiar face , time or place , for someone to relate to what I feel , or for hours I looked for song that was writen for me , I might as well keep it; real. you know whats funny about all of this , and I wish , so much I could love you more , but maybe my reality is that i can't love you enough , no matter how hard I try , there might not be enough in me , you see just maybe you require a lot more to power you and the cells of heart cant hold all that energy that your heart needs to jump start into ''love mood'', or maybe I don't have the code to decrypt the black box of your thoughts . Truth be told , it doesnt matter weather I'm young , black or creol, I'm just not man enough, now why is that so tough , because we have kids . and my kids mean the world to me , I love them so much that words cant being to touch the surface that plunge so deep; that those depts has yet to be discovered. Oh I love my kids because they are mine , no matter how they feel , or what side of the bed they wokeup on they are mine , weather im broke and a bomb in the streets with just a dog to keep me comapny they are mine and I make no apologies for that . They where the best thing you ever given to me; , again maybe thats all that was meant to be. just those two kids you have given me . I dont know how much longer I can take before I brake , down , it hurt so much ,trying to get you to see me standing right in front of you saying here I am play with me , you remember twe lee lee, come sing with me , I like songs too , dance with me show me how to do the do that you do . I'm teachable , give me a chance, you'll see I'm reachable . Here I go again,; thinking that there is something that I do , to win you . Oh that some one can love me for me , just as I am , love every ounce for me , every inches; of me , just as I am with out one plea but that his blood was shed for me . Oh to loved like Christ love , remember he loved us even while we were in our miss, not even perfect at best , but we were filthy; and stained , yet he loved me . I know your not Christ, but it would of being nice if you were, then you can make this hurt just go away. I loved you and even though I feel like to you that doesn't mean much, thats had alot to do with why I stayed in at and I can say that with no second though. I know you dont love me; or how did you put it , you dont love me enough. and I cant make you love me , that might be an impossibly; task, to ask your heart to love me, even after you feel you have given it all the reasons to . Sometime I believe; that the heart is person with in its self with its own agender. I've being telling mine to not care but it does, the more reasons you give; it to not love you it still does, like I have no say . Love can be a lot of things including blind , insensitive, stupid, deaf, dumb, and selfish. Yet I still we love.